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Ronda Matson: Blog

Starting Over

Posted on April 9, 2010

Spring!  It’s my favorite time of the year.  Green comes from brown and gray.  Dark, cold, rainy days yield brilliance.  

Spring = Hope. 

It’s the season of optimism, of new beginnings, of starting over. 

Starting over isn’t always easy. When you lose the words you’ve written because the power suddenly goes out or forget the last number you entered in the calculator, it’s inconvenient and frustrating, but simple. Other times, it isn’t.  Sometimes it’s a fight for life.  

As many know, I’ve faced the fight for life more than once.  My family and friends have been forced to face it with me.  Last April, we were swallowed up more intensely than ever before.  Each day brought new uncertainty and many times, fear had the upper hand.  My brilliant surgeon found the answer and saved my life—again.  As I think back, it was a kind of gauntlet we ran.  By the time May arrived, I was battered physically, but we were all battered emotionally.  Starting over wasn’t so simple.

And now, it’s April again. With it comes a crazy mix of emotions.  Trying to get back, I pushed limits and did my best to ignore the heartache of the setback. Mostly, I think I won that battle. Even so, as I mark the anniversaries of so many dark days and a year of incredible trial, I find myself strangely fearful. Many days feel harder instead of easier.  What is it about anniversaries?   If you’re not careful, they can reach out and smack you. 

Yes, it’s April again and I’ve been starting over—again.  So much, I don’t know. But, one thing is certain.  However the day may find me, fearful or hopeful, I’m grateful to find myself in it.


Orchard Street Daffodils, April 2010

daffodils 2010